By Christopher Moore
Being undead sucks. Literally.
Just ask C. Thomas Flood. Waking up after a gorgeous evening not like whatever he is ever skilled, he discovers that his female friend, Jody, is a vampire. And shock! Now he is one, too. For a few undefined, the total biting-and-blood factor may were a deal breaker. yet Tommy and Jody are in love, they usually vow to paintings via their issues.
But note has it that the vampire who in the beginning nibbled on Jody wasn't purported to be recruiting. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling acquaintances are out to get him, on the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas name woman named (duh) Blue.
And that really sucks.
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Additional resources for You Suck: A Love Story (Bloodsucking Fiends)
However it became out that attempting to seem tragic in Incontinence, Indiana, used to be redundant, and his mom stored shouting at him and making him fail to remember his rhymes. “Tommy, when you preserve grinding your the teeth like that, they’ll put on away and you’ll should have dentures like Aunt Ester. ” Tommy merely needed his beard used to be as heavy as Aunt Ester’s—then he might stare out over the moors whereas he stroked it pensively. “Yeah,” Jody acknowledged, “because i must make it extra seen that I’m an undead creature that feeds at the blood of the residing. ” “You make it sound so sordid. ” “No, I intended it in a pleasant approach. ” “Oh. ” “Because it’s unlike humans wouldn’t comprehend in the event that they figured out we have been vampires, simply because we slipped up and, oh, I don’t comprehend, UNSHEATHED OUR FANGS within the FUCKING DRUGSTORE! ” Tommy nearly dropped his applications. She hadn’t acknowledged a be aware approximately that each one evening. He’d was hoping she hadn’t spotted. “It was once an coincidence. ” “You known as that lady ‘milady. ’” “She was once inspired with my Byron. ” “Yeah, good, your Byron used to be most likely protruding a bit, too, wasn’t he? ” “It wasn’t like that. ” “You drooled. ” Jody paused at their protection door and dug into her jacket for her key. Tommy stepped round her. “I’m nonetheless new at this. i feel I’m doing pretty much. My ghastly pallor evidently inspired the woman on the needle alternate. ” He reached into his bag and fanned out a handful of sterile-wrapped and capped syringes. “Congratulations, now you can cross as an HIV-positive heroin addict. ” “Très stylish. ” He grinned like he imagined a horny Italian man-whore may well. “Who drools in public,” Jody acknowledged. rattling, she’s resistant to my attractive Italian man-whore grin, Tommy proposal. He acknowledged, “Be great, I’m new. My lips don’t healthy jointly correct while my fangs are out. ” She grew to become the major and swung the door open. There, handed out at the touchdown, used to be William the large cat man and napping on his chest, Chet the large cat. “I informed you it can work,” Tommy stated. Jody stepped into the stairwell and closed the door at the back of her. “You cross first. ” Fifteen mins later, as he put 5 syringes choked with blood of their fridge, Tommy stated, “This vampire factor goes to be nice. ” He’d had a second while he’d bitten William—not simply getting over the assumption of being that shut somebody who smelled that nasty, but additionally being with reference to one other guy interval. yet after cleansing William’s neck with an alcohol swab they’d gotten from the pharmacy, and consoling himself that almost all literary vampires appeared sexually ambivalent besides, the blood starvation driven him via. He was once feeling extra comfy, now they'd the nutrition challenge solved—for some time, besides. If his acquaintances didn’t kill them within the subsequent couple of days, he may even take pleasure in existence as a vampire. Then he became to Jody and frowned. “But I can’t aid yet imagine that it can be fallacious, benefiting from a homeless alcoholic. ” “We might simply hunt and kill people,” Jody acknowledged cheerfully. She had a bit crust of William’s blood within the nook of her mouth. Tommy licked his thumb and wiped it away.