By Steven Luna
A smart-mouthed supernatural dude who tells it love it is - sharp-tongued, snarky, and sarcastic to a fault. He simply grew to become a vampire, and he isn't satisfied approximately it in any respect. So he is telling the total global the way it particularly is to be undead, and if truth be told no longer pretty...but it would be lovely hilarious. Real-life meets afterlife in Joe Vampire, a post-modern mixture of darkish comedy, heartfelt romance, and unforeseen suspense.
Hey, parents. I’m Joe, and I’m a vampire – no longer through selection, brain you, yet by means of accident…a fate-twisting, fang-creating, blood lust-inducing false impression. It begun with a gaggle date, a case of flawed identification and much too many sake bombers, and ended with a ludicrous set of situations that I simply can’t appear to wrap my head round. probably you could inform: I’m now not actual chuffed approximately it. yet I’m not at all going to allow it get within the method of my lifestyles. So I’ve thrown my ranting right into a weblog. I’m putting out my soiled laundry with the intention to clarify the genuine deal approximately being a card-carrying member of the Undead Elite. probably it is going to aid others comprehend the reality approximately vampires. perhaps it is going to aid me come to phrases with it, too. think me, it’s now not all satin capes and bare ladies…none of it really is, really. One bare girl will be great. as a substitute, it’s only one nasty little shock after one other. the reality bears exposing, and I’m pulling again the curtain on it all. If i will be able to determine the best way to retain it from mowing me over within the technique, then that’s groovy, too. And that factor approximately vampires gleaming within the sunlight? that may be a bunch of bull.
What readers are saying:
"The vampire's humanity that Anne Rice strives for within the Vampire Chronicles? [Luna] captures it completely and well in his sleek story of the supernatural everyman."
"I totally enjoyed this ebook. It was once filled with witty sarcasm, humor, heartbreak and suspense."
"Joe Vampire is amusing out loud hysterical, occasionally poignant, learn. i like to recommend this e-book to somebody searching for a humorous, sarcastic examine the undead life."
"I laughed out loud numerous occasions interpreting this ebook and giggled such a lot of instances my husband made me depart the room to head learn elsewhere!"
Read or Download Joe Vampire (Joe Vampire Series Book 1) PDF
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Extra info for Joe Vampire (Joe Vampire Series Book 1)
I’ve by no means been a legitimate sleeper, yet on account that This occurred I are likely to vibrate extra on the precise moments whilst others may sit back. It’s most likely from the mix of my vampirism combined with my pseudo-Judaism. There’s not anything like being a neurotic Jewish vampire to maintain you wakeful all day and all evening being concerned approximately, oh, every little thing. • Instantaenous Non-surgical Penile growth and Advancing Hair Line – simply kidding… my dick’s nonetheless as low as it ever used to be, and my hair is simply as skinny – an excellent mix for engaged on the women. yet hi there, my farts odor just like the lifeless now, so at the least I’ve bought that going for me. these are the highlights, yet actually there’s no longer an excessive amount of extra to it thus far. I can’t fly, and I’ve by no means changed into a bat, even though I retain desire alive for that one… simply because, how candy might that be? My enamel are nonetheless an analogous; it needs to take some time for the fangs to teach up. I can’t run any speedier or leap any greater, and that i haven’t but mastered the rumored hypnotic strength that attracts ladies less than my regulate with an insignificant glance of their eyes, even though i've been operating at it. to this point I’ve simply controlled to scare them away much more than I often could with my desirable small discuss the country of the Eurozone and Linkin Park trivialities. So issues have not became out to be so assorted for me after the incidence of This. now not but, besides. with the exception of the ridiculous have to eat blood as a method of survival, that's. That one is a distinct online game changer. I’m certain there’s extra loopy shit coming for me down the pike. i may be improper, yet I can’t think it’s going to be any higher than what’s already proven up. You’d imagine there should be anything optimistic in all of this to counter the shortcoming of inches additional to one’s pecker. yet nope. There’s no shape-shifting, no flight, no elevated sexual magnetism. I became a freaking vampire and all I bought used to be this silly blood lust. The bumper stickers don’t lie, humans; occasionally, lifestyles fairly is a complain. and infrequently, you don’t even get to die. publish four woman No. three As any self-respecting man-child may still, I take my proportion of accountability for my disasters with girls. it'd be effortless responsible it on my appeal to ladies who use my eagerness to thrill opposed to me, and that this had necessarily develop into a resource of friction. yet I don’t imagine it used to be an issue for both of them; i'll inform incidentally they “let” me do every thing for all of them the time. And incidentally I simply went besides it. considering they have been those who broke issues off, that couldn’t be it. After loads of suggestion, i think i ultimately comprehend the difficulty: the typical tipping element in either occasions is that my concept of the right kind convenience point in a courting used to be the complete opposite of theirs. In every one pairing we threw large warmth on the onset, and we have been capable maintain issues at a rousing boil for a very good lengthy whereas. yet simply after we acquired to the Soup level, where the place every little thing had simmered all the way down to a comfy heat and pleasure grew to become extra of a rarity, they bailed.