By Erma Bombeck
"See for those who can learn a paragraph with out guffawing out loud."
The captivating woman of laughter has performed it again--this time taking a hilarious swipe at husbands, honeymoons, tennis elbow, marriage, lettuce, the nationwide anthem, and a bunch of different family dilemmas.
"It's enjoyable from conceal to cover."
THE HARTFORD COURANT
Read or Download If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? PDF
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Additional resources for If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?
I crossed out “toilet educated” and wrote in “graduating from highschool this month. ” And within the P. S. the place I had written “I chanced on my first grey hair today,” I ran a line via grey and substituted “black. ” the remainder of the letter used to be nonetheless present. “I am on a vitamin as my pores and skin doesn't healthy me anymore. the kids are rotten and i'm slipping clear of truth. i'll paint the rest room and write to the remainder of the relations subsequent week. ” the difficulty with me is I don’t prefer to write letters until i've got whatever interesting to record. i'm intimidated by means of letter-writers whose correspondence electrifies you. i've got one crew of buddies who in basic terms write me as soon as a year—from a cruise send. They understand it’s going to make me spit up with jealousy and so they write lovable little messages that commence, “Luv: considering you as we island-hop,” and finish with: “Must sprint. A Robert Redford look-alike has been chasing me all around the send. ” different pen-pals i will dwell with out are the folk whose youngsters are overachievers. Their letters are jam-packed with information of “Robbie” who simply gained a “Being” scholarship to Harvard. (He’s so unparalleled, all he has to do is sit down there and breathe for 4 years. ) There’s additionally nine-year-old Rachel, who's competing within the Baton Olympics, makes all her personal outfits, simply offered her first tale to Reader’s Digest, and goes to spend her whole summer season examining the Bible. And don’t fail to remember little Kenneth, who will get up in the course of the evening to alter his personal Pampers. (Does you-know-who nonetheless have a plastic liner in his soccer uniform? ) The letter-writers who particularly trojan horse me, even though, are those with the stationery whose paper fits the envelopes. definite it’s effortless to write down a letter in case you have all of the apparatus, yet for me, it’s a true difficulty discovering fresh paper, a pencil, and a stamp. i discovered a letter from my sister within the mailbox this present day. She had crossed out “I’m happy the conflict is over,” and substituted “Christmas. ” She acknowledged they enjoyed their new Edsel, which she ran a line via and further Datsun, and extra she used to be going to wash her oven as we have been drawing close a month with R in it. My sister and that i are comparable via recessive Writer’s Cramps. Killing Your mom My son by no means fails to amaze me. At age twenty-one, he has get a hold of a brand new option to holiday his neck. It’s referred to as a skateboard. Frankly, I’m drained. I’ve committed my whole lifestyles to holding that child entire and at a time of my lifestyles whilst I will be consuming chocolate sandwiches and getting up on the crack of midday ... I’m a package deal of nerves. It all started with the two-wheel bicycle. As I ran alongside beside him, clutching his sweater with one hand and the bicycle seat with the opposite, I yelled, “You might kill your self in this factor. ” definite adequate, my housecoat stuck within the spokes and that i nearly made a wheel out of myself. The Pogo stick used to be worse. As he sprung in regards to the apartment, his head inches from the ceiling, i attempted to protect him from falling right into a lamp and he misplaced his stability ... pinning me among the ground and his physique, inflicting me critical discomfort.